If there is one thing I am majorly guilty of its giving advice.
I listen to people tell me things then I tell them what should do… or what I would do to fix it… make it better. I’ve done this so much that people actually come to me for advice. And you know what it used to make me feel good. It stroked my ego. It gave me power. Little did I know it was their power they were giving me. I was ok with this because I thought I was helping them. But then something started changing. My frineds and family weren’t coming to me just to chat any more… only when they needed help with something… and I’d give them advice, stroking my own ego, and they’d go off.
Often times people didn’t actually take my advice! Though what I was telling them, in my eyes, was great stuff it didn’t matter because it didn’t come from inside them. It wasn’t something they actually wanted to do. I started becoming frustrated! I’d ask them when I saw them again “how did it go?” and they’d say they didn’t do what I said and I’d get upset. It was like they failed ME! What?! I took their power away and they possibly resented me for it.
Then I made the mistake of taking this into my coaching practice. I couldn’t HELP but to give advice. “What you NEED to do is…” “What I’d do is….” And more. When I was really meant to be asking them questions and help get their mind rolling on the possible solutions out there for them. This returns the power back to them to make their own life decisions and still gives me the pat on the back I like from helping them.
When I ask them more questions they get their own ah-has and you know what? I have ah-has as well! It’s definitely an opportunity for me to learn as well.
So what I am saying is I helped them take back their power by asking more questions and getting deeper than ever before. I sought to understand them by asking questions and putting myself in their shoes. This is actually helping me to become a more effective coach, friend, wife, and family member. SO I am no longer in the advice giving business. I am in the nosy as hell, asking all the questions, and creating personal ah-has business! Feel free to join me! Or Ask me questions or allow me to ask you questions lol
Takeaway (if you so please)
What can you take away from this? Ask more what and how questions to everyone around you and actually listen to the response… not to solve a problem but to deeply understand the person.
With 💜 Brittany Marie